A (Web Copy) Writer's Dream

Write. That's what everybody in my community of other writer says. Write about anything, daily. There are no rules, just allot time - maybe 30 minutes (to an hour or two) daily to write about anything. As I'm typing this, my mind is running different images of what I can write about. It's quite fascinating. It's like my mind is rolling like a Rolodex full of ideas but for the life of me, I can't decide on which one. Here are some examples: 

1. My love life - but who wants to know about THAT? 

2. My favorite kitchen items 

3. My choices in life 

4. Books that I enjoyed reading - I already did this weeks ago...

5. My New York life and what New York taught me all these years 

6. My favorite TV shows - old and new 

7. My recipes

I mean I could go on and on. On this list I noticed, it's all about what I want- it's all about me. Wow I can actually hear my boyfriend laughing his ass off saying - "Well the world only revolves around one person you know... You." People from my community are all saying, the audience doesn't care about me, the writer. They care about them and what I CAN do for them, you know content-wise. 

I wish I can be like those writers who can whip up content just like that. I also wish I can shadow a writer / copywriter to actually know what they do to write or research. Basically their routine when they're working on a project. I also need a website, to showcase my writing and to apply for writing projects. I know all these things that I have to do but every time I think about it, my mind shuts down and end up doing NOTHING. 

Am I still making sense here? LOL I wish the next time I write on here, I have some news or some epiphany or something. Things that go toward to my goal. To become a web copywriter.   

My Top 3 Books in 2019

One of my resolutions last year was to read at least 3 books and I'm happy to tell you I've read more than that. I've read around 15 or so in 2019. Most of the books I bought were on the sale shelf of Book Culture or from the gentlemen at the UWS streets.

I have read a lot of novels and some biography too; but I 'll share with you the top 3 books I've enjoyed reading in 2019.

1. Who Thought This Was A Good Idea? by Alyssa Mastromonaco 

Written in such a relatable way, I have instantly felt a personal connection with Alyssa reading the first few pages of her book. From her IBS (I don't have it BUT how she reacts and handles it is very similar on how I would in my "oh fuck" moments), to her visits in other countries (I especially liked the Buckingham Palace story), to her wearing simple J Crew clothes and her BIG LOVE for cats! I enjoy reading through this book from start to finish because it sounded like she was talking to me directly. I have learned a handful tricks of the trade from her and had a closer look at her job at the White House during the Obama administration. I also love how she was able to change the bathrooms in the White House to be more woman-friendly. You have got to read her book it is so entertaining and inspiring. I may have said to a friend that Alyssa is my person. You know what? She really is.


2. The Bishop's Pawn by Steve Berry

I have a thing about procedural TV shows especially if they're about heists, busting heists, government and courtroom drama, art forgery, FBI crime scenes and the nitty-gritty way of solving them and other things of that nature. That being said, my book choices also reflects the same genre. This particular book have those elements. Based on the assassination of Martin Luther King, this novel is both exciting and educational. You will learn a little bit more about MLK and his colleagues as much as you will learn something about the US Government and how they probably operate. It's an interesting take on a real life event interspersed with fictional characters complimenting the story even more. I guarantee you, you will find it so difficult to put the book down!

3. I'll See You In Paris by Michelle Gable 

This is best book I've read in 2019! Normally I'd read a book for a week to 2 (In my defense, I only read when I have time while at work or during my train ride to and from work!). This novel took me 3 days! It's that good. Michelle's love for Paris, her take on telling the tale of the Duchess of Marlborough, the characters and twists are the reasons why I fell in love with this novel. It's such an easy read and the story line for each of the characters are amazing. It's not your ordinary love story that's for sure. If you read this book, you're in for a different world and time (both literally and figuratively) you'll enjoy every page!

So there you have it, a few of the books I've read last year that I enjoyed the most. I plan to read more books this year. As a matter of fact, I have Alyssa's other book - So Here's The Thing... and also Michelle Gable's A Paris Apartment. They're definitely on my reading list for 2020!

Aside from writing, reading is one of my favorite things to do (and makes me feel productive and relevant). I'm glad I got back to reading for pleasure again. I've been off it for years. Well, I promise myself, not anymore!

Happy New Decade!

Goooood morning! It’s January 3rd of the new decade 2020! 

Honestly, I didn’t immediately feel the (supposedly) wondrous feeling of welcoming the new year/decade until I was scouring through my brain of the highlights and lowlights of the past TEN YEARS! It wasn’t easy though as some of those moments I’d rather not think about like ever again BUT nevertheless I think it was important. That’s for another blog post. Haha! 

Today, I want to write to declutter my mind. Free some space for other things hopefully positive and productive. It’s a cold and wet day today in NYC. I’ve been here almost 5 years and this is the wettest fall/winter ever! I’ll say it till I’m blue in the face, Mother Nature is STRESSED! It’s time to be more environment-conscious. More so than ever. 

Anyway, the past holiday was a blast. I love how simple it was for me and Antonio. It’s all we ever wanted. Now, if my family were here OR we were there back home with them THAT would’ve been much more amazing. I still pray that it will happen one of these days. I’m not losing hope- although I know I need to work some things for it to actually happen. 

I had a week off and we just wandered around Manhattan and Queens before and after Christmas just being together. Spent a majority of those times at home cooking (me), eating (both of us) and watching TV. Side note: The Witcher is soooo good. I’m a fan. Also, Don’t F*ck with Cats - creepy and amazing documentary.

I’m thankful for the past year. I summed it up by saying it was an “okay” year. Hey, better okay than NOT okay you know what I’m saying? This year I will make sure it’s okay or better. I’ve listed some resolutions and I promise to try and abide by them. I’m proud to say that I did HALF of my 2019 resolutions- that’s not bad right? Hahaha 

I feel a lot of hope (as I do every year) for 2020. But I also know I have to work to be able to achieve some of my future goals. I promised myself that. This year I need to start asking the right questions and discuss tough topics. I’ve got to be more assertive to ensure our future isn’t blurry. So much to do! 

Well, I have to start something, right? That’s why I’m back here writing whatever is on my mind. I keep forgetting how WONDERFUL writing is and what it does to my well being. With that, I greet you all a HAPPY, PROSPEROUS 2020! 

To Kid or not to Kid

I never thought that I would actually ask myself one day if I wanted to have kids. If you know me back when, you probably would assume that by this time, I already have a family. A kid. Okay, kids. Heck I thought I would. But no. It didn't happen. And I think that's okay.

At this time, I think I've surpassed the When are you getting married type questions, I mean finally! But, what I didn't anticipate is that at my age (the glamorous age of 38) almost everyone in my life is bound to ask me one way or the other the next million dollar question - Do you have kids? Or When are you having kids? 

It's a whole new ball game my friends.

Now what boggles me is that when I'm asked about it, I don't know what to say. Or that I'm afraid they won't like or understand my choice. You see, I'm gearing towards the I don't want kids answer. For a lot of reasons.

First and probably the biggest one - kids aren’t for me. Yes I know I’ll be a great mom and yes I know (from dear friends who always remind me) that if it’s MY kid I’ll be feeling differently. God honest truth I’m not great with kids. I don’t know how to talk to them except in an adult-kind of way. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t talk to them like I would talk to my boss during a presentation but I just don’t know how to communicate with a child in a Mom kind of way. I just don’t. I’m awkward around kids. My closest friends for sure have noticed that.

Second, I have an inkling fear borderline phobia about being responsible for a young precious life. I feel such powerful pressure of making sure they grow up responsible and kind and loving. I’m afraid that I would be so protective of this child to point of that said child will hate me for it. I feel that once I become a parent, I will be a neurotic mom who shields my child from anything that will bring them sadness, hurt and pain and... dirt. Now tell me, that’s not right, RIGHT?

This will sound so selfish, but I also am so scared of going through what parents go through when their child is sick or sad or been in an accident. My heart is so weak that I know I’d die first before my child. I remember when my 2 year old nephew had a seizure because his temperature got so high (104F) and I saw firsthand what had happen to him. It’s hard not to shed a tear while writing this as I recall what happened that night. Instead of helping my sister in law in getting cold water or ice I just broke down on my knees and cried- hysterically mind you. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I made the situation worse.

And lastly, it means money. I apologize if I sound insensitive, but let's be real. Having kids equate to money- which we don't have right now. I mean I do of course but I don’t have enough to give my child a comfortable life. That’s another thing, for me- if God gives us a child I will love that kid with all of me but I will see to it that he/she will have a nice life; even if it kills me. This is unfortunately, something that I can’t promise at the moment.

Now you may say well, you will figure it out. That’s the thing- I have figured it out and I know for a fact that having kids is not something I’m interested in having. It’s simply not my choice. I wish people in my life will understand my decision. It’s a hard one to accept that’s for sure especially that society dictated many, many moons ago that women SHOULD have children. I also hope in the future that I’ll be able to tell others MY choice and not feel scared about what society will say.

35-Somethings

Grade school. How was yours? Mine was okay. It was...normal. It wasn't mundane. I had the same classmates from 3rd grade till the 6th grade. You can say that we technically grew up together. And we did. We are all blessed to have found lifetime friends in this bunch.

Would you believe that up to this time my grade school classmates and I are still communicating? Yes sir! We are still connected and it's awesome! Well, we thank Facebook for this wonderful opportunity of staying connected after all these years. True, there were years of gap from when we all graduated the 6th grade till when Facebook was created but nevertheless we found each other again and here we are.

It's so nice to talk to people who basically knew you since you weren't old enough to own a cellphone or young enough to play super hyper active games after school hours while waiting for the bus driver. It's also nice to know that you are not the only 35-something human being still trying to figure what you can offer this lifetime.

I love how my Facebook messanger explodes of messages I had to back read to catch up with my peeps from the other side of the world and chime in on whatever topic they're yapping about. Usually it's family life, careers or the lack thereof, where on earth is what's his face, when's the next reunion, beer or hard drinks - but my favorite topic of all are the memories. Everybody gets a good laugh out of it. The silliness and absurdity of our childhood. Oh it's the best!

Talking (or chatting) with them makes me happy is because I never feel our age. To me it feels like I am still talking to the same bozos of 1989. Like, we are still those younglings and we never really grew old. It's as if in that group chat, it's still 1990. I don't know but that's just me. But I'm sure they will all agree with me when I say that- in that group chat time stops and we get to leave the pressures of life and just for a few moments we are grade schoolers again.

Much love to 6-Star, 1994.

-T

A Welcomed Change

I appreciate technology.  Sure, it made me a wee bit lazy at some aspects in my life (Right, Alexa?), but over all it does some other great things to make our lives a little easier. The best thing technology has done for most of us and I'm pretty sure a lot of you will agree with me on this - it's communication. It definitely made communicating better, easier and live in living color.

Home sickness for people like me who moved on the other side of the world is a thing of the past. Well, okay fine we still feel home sick but it definitely lessen when my mom video calls me. All thanks to technology. Long distance relationships aren't that bad anymore because again - Face Time. Stuck in traffic and running a little late for that meeting? No problem! Get your smart phone, check your email for that Go To Meeting invite and voila.

It's true that technology may have ruin some parts of our daily lives but admit it or not, it did and it still is doing some pretty cool things too. I don't know about you but I'm embracing this welcomed change. If used wisely and with caution, we'll reap its advantages for the betterment of our limited existence.

So to Technology, thank you!

-T

Adjusted by the Bureau

Have you seen The Adjustment Bureau? You probably have. I mean it's a movie from 2011. I have just seen it. Today. Out of a whim, because I have a habit of flipping through all channels before settling for a show that I feel I like or have just started. Anyway, today while I was doing my thing with the TV before making breakfast I saw it on the SYFY channel and it was just starting- and let me tell you something, I kinda dig it. Plus, Emily Blunt is in it, so why not? Also, Falcon is there too, only skinnier.

What if there really is an Adjustment Bureau? What if there are people or machines who control our decisions and choices? Ones who basically controls our lives and where it goes or not go for that matter? If there is such a bureau, we cannot exercise our supposedly God given free will. 

I like what Falcon said at the end of the movie; we really don't care about how important free will is to us until it is threatened to be taken away from us. Or something to that effect. You get the idea right? I wonder what I would do if all of sudden my free will to choose whether to get a plain bagel or an everything bagel is taken away from me. What do I do if my free will to choose what I want to do with my life is taken from me, instead some bureau will alter my decisions to have their way and bring their plans to life, my life? Now granted I wouldn't know all these because the bureau acts outside afar from normal people, you know like in the movie? But what if I knew? What then? I'll probably fight them like what Matt Damon did. Plus, I can go through doors to random beautiful places in New York, free of charge? Uhm, yes please. 

It's easy to take for granted important aspects of our lives i.e free will. It's equally important to the air we breathe everyday. That's also why we, as humans need to protect it by not abusing it. In turn we must be grateful that we have it. But how to protect it? I've always believe in what my Pop tells me all the time when I'm about to inhale a tub of ice cream. All is good until you over do it. Everything can and should be done in moderation. Just like in practicing our free will. We must think and rethink what we do and what we decide on. Will it affect me? Will it affect the people around me? Is it good? Is it worth it? Actively ask yourselves these questions. Just because it's free we can run around abusing it. Obviously, I am not talking about little things like what movies to watch or which Game of Thrones character you like best. I'm talking about big important choices we are handed by God and humans. Look, all I'm saying is free will is a gift, let's pray it won't be taken away from us.

Oh and by the way, I thought I could never love the beautiful Ms. Emily Blunt more but this movie did it.

Have a super Saturday, ya'll.

-T

Game Of Thrones Fix

It's April. It's supposed to be Game of Thrones month. Unfortunately, like the rest of the world, we are painfully waiting for 2019 to watch it's bittersweet ending - not that I know exactly what will happen but GRRM isn't exactly a fan of in-the-end-it-will-all-work-out-everybody-happy type of writing. I'm actually both happy and sad it is ending in season 8. Happy that it is ending while still a lot of people love the show and let's face it they are still on top of their game and sad, well, for obvious reasons. For me, it it really is one the best shows of my life time. This is a show I am going to brag about to my children and grand children. 

I started watching Game of Thrones while season 3 is playing. I got hooked after learning that Cersei and Jaime are nurturing an unconventional and dysfunctional love relationship and that Bran fell. I told myself after that episode, whoa. It's like a soap for the medieval times! I loved that there are so many characters to love, hate and love and hate. I was never confused although I have to admit I haven't read all the books yet. I intend to, probably after the show is over. 

It's also a show where I enjoy researching and in turn learning about the nooks and crannies of each timeline and character. I love how it is a conversation starter. It's also a subject for friendly debates. It has an immersed community and a very invested fandom that it made them cry when the MF wall, the wall, finally descends in the hands of zombie Viserion. 

But it won't be back until next year so, all we can do is rewatch everything from season 1. I get my fix through watching the casts' interviews and Comic Con appearances. Subscribe and watch a couple of GoT You Tube channels here and there with the likes of Comicbookgirl19 or Emergency Awesome. Watch and rewatch all the Leslie Jones' Game of Jones on the Late Night with Seth Meyers tv show. 

Hang on tight, we still have 8 months or so to go. 

-T

A Closeted Swiftie

Do you secretly like Taylor Swift? I know I do.

I follow her on Instagram and Spotify. I listen to her songs going to and from work. I memorized 22 because it's catchy and is always on. I secretly watched all her Reputation music videos including the second Delicate video on Spotify. Just like the rest of the world, I too look for easter eggs and clues on her videos. I especially like to watch some of her fans' reaction to every music video she releases. I agree on some level that she is a fantastic lyricist. I admire how she plays with words and build very modern metaphors in her songs. I sing along like a fool to Blank Space and Clean. I've never been to any of her shows although I do watch some of it on You Tube. I like the acoustic version of her 1989 songs because it shows that she can really sing and I mean beautifully sing with matching mad guitar and piano playing skills. I love her idea of having secret sessions for her fans - the Swifties, because it shows how she much she loves them It humanizes her.

I'm actually jealous of her and her accomplishments. At such a young age she doesn't struggle financially, she is extremely talented and beautiful and did I mention rich? Heck, she owns her own private plane and she's not even 30. At 36, I am still trying to figure everything out. Sure, she doesn't have a normal life and the most coveted privacy in the world of the rich and famous but you know what I mean? She doesn't have to stress about her future not like normal human beings like me. I know, jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. But I'm pretty sure a lot can relate.

She worked hard, probably harder than we all know to get where she is now in her life and with that she deserves everything she gets. She is reaping all that she sowed all these years. I should be inspired by that instead of feeling a teeny ting pang of jealousy over this woman who gave us nothing but good music.

-T

Root Cause Analysis on Self Struggles

I've got half an hour to spare and I want to keep my writing momentum so here I am, writing once again.

A few hours earlier while walking to the supermarket, I have seen students, young girls coming home from school most probably and I can't help but notice how these middle schoolers or perhaps 7th or 8th graders are more preppy and fashionable than I am, effortlessly. Here I am frumpy as nuts, my hair on a messy bun, sweater, jeggings and sneakers. In short, I look like a potato.

I am not shaming myself or maybe I am but it's true though. I look like an Idaho potato. You see, I've gone through highschool and college believing I have my own sense of style- obviously that style isn't current. I've always been boyish so to speak until I met my gay bestfriend in 2003 who God bless him introduced me, wait no, made me dress like a young lady that I was back then. I started wearing other pieces of clothing like skirts and cute tops and pretty flat shoes. I could never wear high heels probably because I am fat and heavy but thats another blog post. Hehehe I haven't seen him in a while and with that I turned frumpy again.
I wish I am effortlessly fashionable too.

I know, I know I shouldn't bring myself down like this or why don't I do something about it and the whole nine yards. It's just that I am too lazy. As ugly as that sounds, I am lazy. Lazy to look pretty. Isn't that a thing? Probably not. I sometimes look myself in the mirror and find some spots and lines on my face that weren't there before and I get sad. Or stare at myself in glass windows on trains and tell my self- What happened to you? I should be putting more effort in making myself look pretty or at least presentable to the world. Why did I stopped caring?

Oh well, this is just one of the many self-struggles I face in my adult life. Funny thing is, I know in my mind what to do, the question is why don't I do it? I think I need some root cause analysis.

I Miss the Memes

Today is a bad day.

I know, I know negativity. But it really is a bad day for me.

Last night, my "girl thing" got the best of me. I may or may not have lashed out assumptions to the boyfriend last night which inadvertently made me say some bile things toward him and vice versa. Oh it was baaaad. It was ugly. Ugh. We were so upset of each other, I started crying, he said he didn't care so I cried some more. It was abysmal.

So anyway, I slept and none of it was solved or talked out since he doesn't want to and so I wake up feeling so meh. I got up first and felt my cool is on so I woke him up to say sorry and boom! He won't accept my apology. How rude! Well, not as rude as my accusations last night. Now, I am not feeling my day. It's as gloomy and gray as the skies of Manhattan at this very moment. I tried reaching out by sending a meme, yeah we're one of those couples sending funny and relatable memes all day even if we're just sitting next to each other watching reruns of Roseanne or Golden Girls or Seinfeld or The Big Bang Theory. He won't take my apology and sent me out like I'm some kid so I left the light on and the door open on my way out. Hahaha He probably went nuts.

Look, I have dealt with lots in the past with the boyfriend and I know it's not healthy to keep bringing it up otherwise the relationship will not move forward yadada. I just can't help it sometimes. I've become cynical and untrusting at times. Specially when I can see and feel he is hiding some things from me- girls, I know you know what I mean. But then again, I believe that we choose who we love and for a long time I have chosen the boyfriend. Warts and all. He is far from perfect, he is maddening, he doesn't clean or wash dishes but he makes me laugh, sets me straight and makes sure my reality is checked at all times. He's my bestfriend. He once said I was his too. That made my heart so happy but I didn't show it, hahahaha I played non-chalant and went on.

Darn, now I miss the memes. I haven't heard from him all day. I hope he does not pack his stuff and leave.

Good day, ya'll.

-T

It's a Girl Thing

Do you ever feel like you're a totally different person when that "time of the month" is upon you? Oh I'm sorry boys, this is completely girl talk - unless you have ladies in your life then you might be able to relate. So, anyway, I asked because I am one of those people whose hormones are through the roof when "that time of the month" is in. You know what? I don't like it but I can't help it.

Or can I? I honestly don't know. Look, all I know is that it's very tiring and frustrating. It affects not only me but also the people around me. Heck, it even affects my work sometimes- that's when it gets really bad. You see, my mood quickly shifts from good to bad to good again to worse to better. It's friggin' exhausting. My boyfriend will probably laugh when he hears me complain about being exhausted during "these times" because my mood changes directly impact him. Oh, well. Sorry, Booboo Bear. 😘

I usually just drink a lot of (cold) water and watch the Golden Girls if I can. Those put me in a better mood. Oh, another is this Youtube video of Jimmy Fallon and Kevin Hart riding a rollercoaster in Orlando, Fl. Friggin hilarious. But what works most of all is to take a deep breath and just relax for a few minutes. Try and realize that it's just a bad energy that consumes you and it can be converted to a rather better, happy energy. Hey, I'm just glad I don't get cramps all the time because that is a totally different story. I just get the what I call the "meepees".

Be that as it may, I'm still going forward to make the most of my day and hopefully tomorrow I am back to my old, happy self! 😊

-T

Copy Writing Dilemma

Should I explore copy writing?

My bestfriend is launching her brand new website soon and  about 3 weeks ago, she has asked me to write her a copy. At first, I was like, uhm copy? I don't even know what she was talking about. All she said was she will send me details and notes and she knows I love writing and that I know her "tone" in terms of expressing it in written form. We have a very similar "tone" I might add. Still, I didn't have any clue what she was asking of me.

Obviously, I asked her what she wanted me to do and told me - a copy write. Honestly, at that point I still have no clue as I'm not very familiar with copy writing. 😋 However, I love how she sounded super excited and super sure that I can do it that I started researching about it. The funny thing is, I have been doing it all along- copy writing that is. Here on my blog. That's not to say I did very good hahahaha, but I was and still is doing it.

Needless to say for weeks now I have been feeding my brain with any information I can get about it and the more I learn the more I get excited. I have been dreaming of getting an online side job that I can work on during my free time and days off. This way, I don't just lounge around and be unproductive instead, my brain cells will get to work and make extra cash on the side. Not bad at all.

I knew it wasn't an accident at all that I thought of writing here again. Now if only I can stay consistent. Hehehe. So far I have been good. I'm glad. One thing is for sure, I will continue to learn about copy writing and put it to good use.  

Well, I think I already answered my question above. YES.

-T

Morning Thoughts

It's a cold Tuesday morning people! It's supposed to be Spring already- since March 21st. But noooo, it snowed yesterday and another snow day on Friday. I think Mama Nature is a little stressed. 😣

I had a good sleep all thanks to my fresh sheets and brand new shams and duvet cover hahaha! Although, I had a very weird dream, which happens to all my dreams apparently. Last night I dreamt of a friend of mine who is already with our creator. You would think it's a nightmarish kind of dream. It's actually not. It was... hmmm, regular. Like he never really left. I'm just glad to have seen him "alive" again I guess. I pray that wherever he is, he is having the grandest time. 😊

As odd as that may seem, it made me appreciate having been able to wake up this morning. I don't know if it has anything to do with that or I just simply had enough sleep. Whatever it is, I am still thankful for this day that I am able to wake up, get up and dress up to brave another day. 

-T

Fast Forward to 2018

Whoa. So... 3 years. It's been that long since I last written on here. I am glad this platform is still available for me to go back to if and when I feel the urge to write anything. So let's try this again shall we? 🤣 

First off, Mabuhay! Second, a lot has happened since my last attempt to revive this blog. My oh my, a lot has changed. For one I am writing this from my phone! When I created this blog it was from my computer at work all those eons ago. I still read some of my old posts and giggle at my own ridiculousness and gramatical errors. 😎 Reading my past stories makes me realize how much I improved as a person and how my adventures and misadventures have grown as well. 

This year I really intend to fill these pages again with my daily experiences and hopefully impart some lessons along the way. I think this is a better way to spend my comute rather than ogle at Facebook and feel jealous because everyone in my life seem to be having a great time. It's not that I am not happy. I think for the first time in a long time I can say I am happy. Hahahahaha OMG. I guess no matter how many years pass by, there are still some things that never changes - my dramas. Well, I ain't called Drama Queen for nothing. 👑 

With that, I welcome you to my life...or at least the one I let you take a look at. Happy Monday! 

-T 

Why Am I Still Single?

At this day and age, being 33 (going on 34 in the next few months) and single begs someone to ask - "Why are you still single?"

The answer is simple.

I really have not found "The One".

After all, I have not waited this long only to give my precious heart and unfailing affection to someone who isn't willing to give their precious heart and unfailing affection to me in return. I deserve that, we all do.

And it's not that I have not tried to look for this special person in my life. Believe me, I did. I even tried something I thought I'd never go for in my lifetime- online dating. It was an interesting experience, unfortunately not good enough. At least for me. I have been set-up for a blind date too. It was nice. Point is I made myself available by going out in the dating world.

I have gone out on dates, seen movies, walked in the park, been on coffee dates, wine night outs, fooled around - unfortunately nothing. Honestly it has been very exhausting and sometimes not being successful had me thinking that maybe I wasn't really girlfriend material. I wasn't good enough. But that is just ridiculous. Of course I am enough.Then it hit me. My love story is still on going. Something is bound to happen in that aspect of my life. Something meaningful and lasting. I just have to wait patiently. After all, why would God give me to someone who isn't worthy of my love? Right?

Just thinking about that day when I meet "The One" give me the chills and the feeling of excitement of a happy heart! Finally, I will never have to spend year-round occasions alone, build a home full of love, laughter and sumptuous cooking. Someone with whom I can share my dreams with, someone to walk this journey with.

While I know that waiting for Mr. Right is actually not a walk-in-the-park easy, I've always believe that one day, someday we will cross paths; a strong feeling of faith that gives me peace and helps me stay focused on being the right woman for my Mr. Right.

Image credit: juneaux

Day 1 of The Single Woman's 30-Day Blog Challenge. 

Stranded on Hope

I reached out for my phone, tapped on the Spotify app, selected a playlist and boom! A very familiar song started playing (at random mind you).

So tonight, my inspiration for writing this blog post is brought to you by Jennifer Paige's Stranded. The song is very apropos considering what I am really thinking about sharing on here at the moment.

You see, I am in love. The problem is, it's unrequited. Yep. I know. Story of my life. It has been since forever. I don't know why I haven't learned. Or maybe I did learn but I am just way too stubborn and think that keeping the feeling albeit not reciprocated, would somehow turn things around. But then I knew at the back of my head how this story is going to end...that I will end up feeling miserable for weeks...okay, months. Fine. Sometimes years. Ugh.

I don't know why I see my situation now any different from my past unrequited loves. I mean, he made it very clear to me before I left that he is NOT going to wait for me until I am back. That he DOES NOT do long distance relationships because he's been burned before. And to top it all, HE IS ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE. So, what's wrong with you, Toni?!! 

Okay, I'll be honest. HOPE. Probably the same reason why I have let myself drown in misery in the past too. But this time for some reason, I have a strong feeling in my heart and gut that tells me, we're meant to be together. And as far as I know this is the first time I have felt this way about someone who shut me down. Crazy, right?! 

As of this writing, my mind isn't only looking for words to write but is also thinking about what might happen as soon as we see each other again. Oh yes, I know WE WILL see each other again. I am very sure of that. I'm excited, but also very scared.

At night before I sleep, when I am in my most vulnerable state, I always tell myself that if I see him again, I can finally move on with my life. Move on WITH or WITHOUT him. And every time I do that, my head play these wonderful moments of US. Unfortunately, these moments are only results of my imagination.

Now why do I strongly feel that we belong together? Because... why not?! Seriously. We didn't have much time spent together but I saw the way he looked at me. I really felt there's something. Other people think I might just be hallucinating (and honestly, sometimes I'm inclined to agree! haha!), but I don't think so. This feeling I have is much too strong to be just hallucination. Whatever it is, I will know soon enough. Afraid!

"These tears are turnin' me to rust. I know, you're waitin' there for me to come back. I'm too afraid to show..." ~ Jennifer Paige - Stranded Lyrics; MetroLyrics

Image Credit: www.mlive.com

A Look Back to Go Forward

It has been a while since I last wrote something on here- 2 years and 7 months to be exact but who's counting? Now I wonder what have I been doing in the last 2 years? Interesting. Let's see.

The last blog entry I posted was dated 27th August of 2012. I clearly remember around that time I said, no I promised myself that I will attempt to write again. Writing, although not really a talent of mine, helps me in a lot of ways. It makes me think and re-think things. Things in my life. And by things I mean decisions, choices and aspirations. 

I think looking back is going to be fun. 

(Mid) 2012

Now I have to make use of my Facebook page to help me remember what transpired during this year. 

I remember this was the year I realized what I want to do with my life, actually, more like where I want to go...but I will blog about that for later. 

Anyway, the highlight of this year was when I was given the chance to implement an account for my former employer. The company flew me to our clients' headquarters in Las Vegas, NV for training. So many firsts on this trip- first to fly alone, first to train a group of 50 people whose first language is English. Totally nerve-wracking. First time in Las Vegas. It was a surreal experience. 

2013

All I remember about 2013 was that it was the hardest of times for me and my loved ones. We had to go through a major shift in the way we live, our faith was shaken and tested. I for one almost broke down. It was a tough year but together with my family we were able to get through it. I never knew I have that kind of strength. It's true what they say, you will never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. 

Despite it all, I'm glad we went through the hard times. It made me stronger, smarter and most importantly full of hope. 

2014

This has been the most liberating year for me. I traveled half the world and had a marvelous experience to boot. The year I was able to live my dream. I went to New York and lived there for half of 2014. The best. 

The year where I realized what I had in me to survive such a fast-paced life, with the most impatient and rushed people in the world. Considering that I am the most laid back person I know in this lifetime.  

After what seemed like a thousand years, I fell in love... again. It was too soon, I know- but I didn't care. My heart was and still is in love with the perfect guy. 

In the city, I felt free and happy. Free and happy to do all the things I want to do. The city has the kind of vibe where I felt like I can accomplish a lot and chase my dreams; bring them to life.

I am honored to have been given the chance to explore the most exciting city in the world.

My journey isn't over. Not until I say it's over. Because you see, I left my heart in New York. 

Another highlight of 2014 is my drastic career change. I delved into the world of freelance. I became a work-at-home person and so far it is a blast. I realized that there are more things to learn than what I already know from my 10-year stint in the corporate world. 

It has opened many doors for me- allowed me to think and re-think my priorities. It gave me the chance to plan for my (and my family's) future. It gave me a lot of time to take care of my self as well. And surprisingly, I am really good at it. 

And now, 2015 is finally here... it's been pretty exciting so far. So many plans, so many dreams that I want to pursue. I know I am going to have a fantastic year. My best year yet. 

For the first time in my life, I really feel alive!

Image from: www.ezphotoscan.com

Beach-y Mode

Friday... I went for a shower to ready myself to go to work. I was giddy because it was the last day of the work week! Who doesn't love Fridays? I know I do.... :) 

Anyway, amidst showering; lathering myself with my favorite liquid soap, I saw a small pink shower gel bottle from H&M. I know it has been there for a while now but I haven't even tried to smell it much more pay attention to its words printed on the bottle itself. When I did read it I found out that it summarizes how I would've spent my summer. You know if I haven't been busting my moves from overlapping and back-to-back classes....

On the bottle it says: 

For A Day At The Beach

1 cup of reggae

1 big splash of sunshine

8 teaspoons of fun & laughter

2 or more great friends

1 pineapple smoothie each

Mix all of the above, bury your toes in the sand and enjoy! 

Perfect summer escapade right? I immediately thought of my best friends and beach buddies. I used to go to beaches a lot. Used to. How sad. Have I really focused too much on work that I forgot how fun and stress-free it is to spend time in sea-salt waters? I remember 2 years ago, I chose work over Boracay. Imagine that? And here's the kicker, I only paid a Php48.00 two-way ticket! Now I want to kick myself in the shin. 

Now, 2012 isn't over yet. I have 4 months to go... I need to make sure to get  my butt going and start saving for a nice, decent beach trip. I JUST HAVE TO- before I lose my mind. I know it isn't summer because it has been raining like crazy for the past month but hey, I live in the tropical island of the Philippines. It summer all year! 

CHEERIOS!

Finally I have mustered diligence and courage to revive my old blog. I almost changed platforms! Good thing I didn't. Through the years I have been using Blogger and been very comfortable writing my heart out here- so, here I am!

I wish to continue what I have started years ago. According to the records I started blogging in 2005. Wow- that was a long time ago and a loooot has changed; the people around, the President of my country, my height- well actually more of my weight, my interests, the hype of TV Shows- from Mexican Telenovelas to Tsinovelas and now to Koreanovelas! One thing never changed though, that there's still a lot more to write about. This is pretty exciting for me especially that I am trying to recover my enthusiasm and love for writing.

I used to have avid readers, believe it or not. I was very flattered and humbled. They would post comments and I reply. Oh gosh I missed that. I hope to have readers again. I will make sure to never omit the humor in my blog posts. Promise.

Oh wow, I'd be able to share a lot of my musings, photos and recipes. Yes! I have found love in cooking as well. This is a great venue to share it to the world... Okay...day dreaming! :P

This is all for now. Now here's to hoping that I can pull this off! CHEERS!!!