I Miss the Memes

Today is a bad day.

I know, I know negativity. But it really is a bad day for me.

Last night, my "girl thing" got the best of me. I may or may not have lashed out assumptions to the boyfriend last night which inadvertently made me say some bile things toward him and vice versa. Oh it was baaaad. It was ugly. Ugh. We were so upset of each other, I started crying, he said he didn't care so I cried some more. It was abysmal.

So anyway, I slept and none of it was solved or talked out since he doesn't want to and so I wake up feeling so meh. I got up first and felt my cool is on so I woke him up to say sorry and boom! He won't accept my apology. How rude! Well, not as rude as my accusations last night. Now, I am not feeling my day. It's as gloomy and gray as the skies of Manhattan at this very moment. I tried reaching out by sending a meme, yeah we're one of those couples sending funny and relatable memes all day even if we're just sitting next to each other watching reruns of Roseanne or Golden Girls or Seinfeld or The Big Bang Theory. He won't take my apology and sent me out like I'm some kid so I left the light on and the door open on my way out. Hahaha He probably went nuts.

Look, I have dealt with lots in the past with the boyfriend and I know it's not healthy to keep bringing it up otherwise the relationship will not move forward yadada. I just can't help it sometimes. I've become cynical and untrusting at times. Specially when I can see and feel he is hiding some things from me- girls, I know you know what I mean. But then again, I believe that we choose who we love and for a long time I have chosen the boyfriend. Warts and all. He is far from perfect, he is maddening, he doesn't clean or wash dishes but he makes me laugh, sets me straight and makes sure my reality is checked at all times. He's my bestfriend. He once said I was his too. That made my heart so happy but I didn't show it, hahahaha I played non-chalant and went on.

Darn, now I miss the memes. I haven't heard from him all day. I hope he does not pack his stuff and leave.

Good day, ya'll.

-T