Why Am I Still Single?

At this day and age, being 33 (going on 34 in the next few months) and single begs someone to ask - "Why are you still single?"

The answer is simple.

I really have not found "The One".

After all, I have not waited this long only to give my precious heart and unfailing affection to someone who isn't willing to give their precious heart and unfailing affection to me in return. I deserve that, we all do.

And it's not that I have not tried to look for this special person in my life. Believe me, I did. I even tried something I thought I'd never go for in my lifetime- online dating. It was an interesting experience, unfortunately not good enough. At least for me. I have been set-up for a blind date too. It was nice. Point is I made myself available by going out in the dating world.

I have gone out on dates, seen movies, walked in the park, been on coffee dates, wine night outs, fooled around - unfortunately nothing. Honestly it has been very exhausting and sometimes not being successful had me thinking that maybe I wasn't really girlfriend material. I wasn't good enough. But that is just ridiculous. Of course I am enough.Then it hit me. My love story is still on going. Something is bound to happen in that aspect of my life. Something meaningful and lasting. I just have to wait patiently. After all, why would God give me to someone who isn't worthy of my love? Right?

Just thinking about that day when I meet "The One" give me the chills and the feeling of excitement of a happy heart! Finally, I will never have to spend year-round occasions alone, build a home full of love, laughter and sumptuous cooking. Someone with whom I can share my dreams with, someone to walk this journey with.

While I know that waiting for Mr. Right is actually not a walk-in-the-park easy, I've always believe that one day, someday we will cross paths; a strong feeling of faith that gives me peace and helps me stay focused on being the right woman for my Mr. Right.

Image credit: juneaux

Day 1 of The Single Woman's 30-Day Blog Challenge. 

Stranded on Hope

I reached out for my phone, tapped on the Spotify app, selected a playlist and boom! A very familiar song started playing (at random mind you).

So tonight, my inspiration for writing this blog post is brought to you by Jennifer Paige's Stranded. The song is very apropos considering what I am really thinking about sharing on here at the moment.

You see, I am in love. The problem is, it's unrequited. Yep. I know. Story of my life. It has been since forever. I don't know why I haven't learned. Or maybe I did learn but I am just way too stubborn and think that keeping the feeling albeit not reciprocated, would somehow turn things around. But then I knew at the back of my head how this story is going to end...that I will end up feeling miserable for weeks...okay, months. Fine. Sometimes years. Ugh.

I don't know why I see my situation now any different from my past unrequited loves. I mean, he made it very clear to me before I left that he is NOT going to wait for me until I am back. That he DOES NOT do long distance relationships because he's been burned before. And to top it all, HE IS ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE. So, what's wrong with you, Toni?!! 

Okay, I'll be honest. HOPE. Probably the same reason why I have let myself drown in misery in the past too. But this time for some reason, I have a strong feeling in my heart and gut that tells me, we're meant to be together. And as far as I know this is the first time I have felt this way about someone who shut me down. Crazy, right?! 

As of this writing, my mind isn't only looking for words to write but is also thinking about what might happen as soon as we see each other again. Oh yes, I know WE WILL see each other again. I am very sure of that. I'm excited, but also very scared.

At night before I sleep, when I am in my most vulnerable state, I always tell myself that if I see him again, I can finally move on with my life. Move on WITH or WITHOUT him. And every time I do that, my head play these wonderful moments of US. Unfortunately, these moments are only results of my imagination.

Now why do I strongly feel that we belong together? Because... why not?! Seriously. We didn't have much time spent together but I saw the way he looked at me. I really felt there's something. Other people think I might just be hallucinating (and honestly, sometimes I'm inclined to agree! haha!), but I don't think so. This feeling I have is much too strong to be just hallucination. Whatever it is, I will know soon enough. Afraid!

"These tears are turnin' me to rust. I know, you're waitin' there for me to come back. I'm too afraid to show..." ~ Jennifer Paige - Stranded Lyrics; MetroLyrics

Image Credit: www.mlive.com