Root Cause Analysis on Self Struggles

I've got half an hour to spare and I want to keep my writing momentum so here I am, writing once again.

A few hours earlier while walking to the supermarket, I have seen students, young girls coming home from school most probably and I can't help but notice how these middle schoolers or perhaps 7th or 8th graders are more preppy and fashionable than I am, effortlessly. Here I am frumpy as nuts, my hair on a messy bun, sweater, jeggings and sneakers. In short, I look like a potato.

I am not shaming myself or maybe I am but it's true though. I look like an Idaho potato. You see, I've gone through highschool and college believing I have my own sense of style- obviously that style isn't current. I've always been boyish so to speak until I met my gay bestfriend in 2003 who God bless him introduced me, wait no, made me dress like a young lady that I was back then. I started wearing other pieces of clothing like skirts and cute tops and pretty flat shoes. I could never wear high heels probably because I am fat and heavy but thats another blog post. Hehehe I haven't seen him in a while and with that I turned frumpy again.
I wish I am effortlessly fashionable too.

I know, I know I shouldn't bring myself down like this or why don't I do something about it and the whole nine yards. It's just that I am too lazy. As ugly as that sounds, I am lazy. Lazy to look pretty. Isn't that a thing? Probably not. I sometimes look myself in the mirror and find some spots and lines on my face that weren't there before and I get sad. Or stare at myself in glass windows on trains and tell my self- What happened to you? I should be putting more effort in making myself look pretty or at least presentable to the world. Why did I stopped caring?

Oh well, this is just one of the many self-struggles I face in my adult life. Funny thing is, I know in my mind what to do, the question is why don't I do it? I think I need some root cause analysis.

I Miss the Memes

Today is a bad day.

I know, I know negativity. But it really is a bad day for me.

Last night, my "girl thing" got the best of me. I may or may not have lashed out assumptions to the boyfriend last night which inadvertently made me say some bile things toward him and vice versa. Oh it was baaaad. It was ugly. Ugh. We were so upset of each other, I started crying, he said he didn't care so I cried some more. It was abysmal.

So anyway, I slept and none of it was solved or talked out since he doesn't want to and so I wake up feeling so meh. I got up first and felt my cool is on so I woke him up to say sorry and boom! He won't accept my apology. How rude! Well, not as rude as my accusations last night. Now, I am not feeling my day. It's as gloomy and gray as the skies of Manhattan at this very moment. I tried reaching out by sending a meme, yeah we're one of those couples sending funny and relatable memes all day even if we're just sitting next to each other watching reruns of Roseanne or Golden Girls or Seinfeld or The Big Bang Theory. He won't take my apology and sent me out like I'm some kid so I left the light on and the door open on my way out. Hahaha He probably went nuts.

Look, I have dealt with lots in the past with the boyfriend and I know it's not healthy to keep bringing it up otherwise the relationship will not move forward yadada. I just can't help it sometimes. I've become cynical and untrusting at times. Specially when I can see and feel he is hiding some things from me- girls, I know you know what I mean. But then again, I believe that we choose who we love and for a long time I have chosen the boyfriend. Warts and all. He is far from perfect, he is maddening, he doesn't clean or wash dishes but he makes me laugh, sets me straight and makes sure my reality is checked at all times. He's my bestfriend. He once said I was his too. That made my heart so happy but I didn't show it, hahahaha I played non-chalant and went on.

Darn, now I miss the memes. I haven't heard from him all day. I hope he does not pack his stuff and leave.

Good day, ya'll.

-T

It's a Girl Thing

Do you ever feel like you're a totally different person when that "time of the month" is upon you? Oh I'm sorry boys, this is completely girl talk - unless you have ladies in your life then you might be able to relate. So, anyway, I asked because I am one of those people whose hormones are through the roof when "that time of the month" is in. You know what? I don't like it but I can't help it.

Or can I? I honestly don't know. Look, all I know is that it's very tiring and frustrating. It affects not only me but also the people around me. Heck, it even affects my work sometimes- that's when it gets really bad. You see, my mood quickly shifts from good to bad to good again to worse to better. It's friggin' exhausting. My boyfriend will probably laugh when he hears me complain about being exhausted during "these times" because my mood changes directly impact him. Oh, well. Sorry, Booboo Bear. 😘

I usually just drink a lot of (cold) water and watch the Golden Girls if I can. Those put me in a better mood. Oh, another is this Youtube video of Jimmy Fallon and Kevin Hart riding a rollercoaster in Orlando, Fl. Friggin hilarious. But what works most of all is to take a deep breath and just relax for a few minutes. Try and realize that it's just a bad energy that consumes you and it can be converted to a rather better, happy energy. Hey, I'm just glad I don't get cramps all the time because that is a totally different story. I just get the what I call the "meepees".

Be that as it may, I'm still going forward to make the most of my day and hopefully tomorrow I am back to my old, happy self! 😊

-T

Copy Writing Dilemma

Should I explore copy writing?

My bestfriend is launching her brand new website soon and  about 3 weeks ago, she has asked me to write her a copy. At first, I was like, uhm copy? I don't even know what she was talking about. All she said was she will send me details and notes and she knows I love writing and that I know her "tone" in terms of expressing it in written form. We have a very similar "tone" I might add. Still, I didn't have any clue what she was asking of me.

Obviously, I asked her what she wanted me to do and told me - a copy write. Honestly, at that point I still have no clue as I'm not very familiar with copy writing. 😋 However, I love how she sounded super excited and super sure that I can do it that I started researching about it. The funny thing is, I have been doing it all along- copy writing that is. Here on my blog. That's not to say I did very good hahahaha, but I was and still is doing it.

Needless to say for weeks now I have been feeding my brain with any information I can get about it and the more I learn the more I get excited. I have been dreaming of getting an online side job that I can work on during my free time and days off. This way, I don't just lounge around and be unproductive instead, my brain cells will get to work and make extra cash on the side. Not bad at all.

I knew it wasn't an accident at all that I thought of writing here again. Now if only I can stay consistent. Hehehe. So far I have been good. I'm glad. One thing is for sure, I will continue to learn about copy writing and put it to good use.  

Well, I think I already answered my question above. YES.

-T

Morning Thoughts

It's a cold Tuesday morning people! It's supposed to be Spring already- since March 21st. But noooo, it snowed yesterday and another snow day on Friday. I think Mama Nature is a little stressed. 😣

I had a good sleep all thanks to my fresh sheets and brand new shams and duvet cover hahaha! Although, I had a very weird dream, which happens to all my dreams apparently. Last night I dreamt of a friend of mine who is already with our creator. You would think it's a nightmarish kind of dream. It's actually not. It was... hmmm, regular. Like he never really left. I'm just glad to have seen him "alive" again I guess. I pray that wherever he is, he is having the grandest time. 😊

As odd as that may seem, it made me appreciate having been able to wake up this morning. I don't know if it has anything to do with that or I just simply had enough sleep. Whatever it is, I am still thankful for this day that I am able to wake up, get up and dress up to brave another day. 

-T

Fast Forward to 2018

Whoa. So... 3 years. It's been that long since I last written on here. I am glad this platform is still available for me to go back to if and when I feel the urge to write anything. So let's try this again shall we? 🤣 

First off, Mabuhay! Second, a lot has happened since my last attempt to revive this blog. My oh my, a lot has changed. For one I am writing this from my phone! When I created this blog it was from my computer at work all those eons ago. I still read some of my old posts and giggle at my own ridiculousness and gramatical errors. 😎 Reading my past stories makes me realize how much I improved as a person and how my adventures and misadventures have grown as well. 

This year I really intend to fill these pages again with my daily experiences and hopefully impart some lessons along the way. I think this is a better way to spend my comute rather than ogle at Facebook and feel jealous because everyone in my life seem to be having a great time. It's not that I am not happy. I think for the first time in a long time I can say I am happy. Hahahahaha OMG. I guess no matter how many years pass by, there are still some things that never changes - my dramas. Well, I ain't called Drama Queen for nothing. 👑 

With that, I welcome you to my life...or at least the one I let you take a look at. Happy Monday! 

-T 

Why Am I Still Single?

At this day and age, being 33 (going on 34 in the next few months) and single begs someone to ask - "Why are you still single?"

The answer is simple.

I really have not found "The One".

After all, I have not waited this long only to give my precious heart and unfailing affection to someone who isn't willing to give their precious heart and unfailing affection to me in return. I deserve that, we all do.

And it's not that I have not tried to look for this special person in my life. Believe me, I did. I even tried something I thought I'd never go for in my lifetime- online dating. It was an interesting experience, unfortunately not good enough. At least for me. I have been set-up for a blind date too. It was nice. Point is I made myself available by going out in the dating world.

I have gone out on dates, seen movies, walked in the park, been on coffee dates, wine night outs, fooled around - unfortunately nothing. Honestly it has been very exhausting and sometimes not being successful had me thinking that maybe I wasn't really girlfriend material. I wasn't good enough. But that is just ridiculous. Of course I am enough.Then it hit me. My love story is still on going. Something is bound to happen in that aspect of my life. Something meaningful and lasting. I just have to wait patiently. After all, why would God give me to someone who isn't worthy of my love? Right?

Just thinking about that day when I meet "The One" give me the chills and the feeling of excitement of a happy heart! Finally, I will never have to spend year-round occasions alone, build a home full of love, laughter and sumptuous cooking. Someone with whom I can share my dreams with, someone to walk this journey with.

While I know that waiting for Mr. Right is actually not a walk-in-the-park easy, I've always believe that one day, someday we will cross paths; a strong feeling of faith that gives me peace and helps me stay focused on being the right woman for my Mr. Right.

Image credit: juneaux

Day 1 of The Single Woman's 30-Day Blog Challenge.