em0tera talaga

i think i have been watching too much tv. too much FRIENDS i guess. hahaha too much chandler and monica and ross and rachel and phoebe and joey. oh well, that's pretty much what i have been doing lately. well can you blame me? i mean i don't have someone to go out anyway. i'm such a loner slash loser. funny thing is that i've always been one but i NEVER get used to it. i mean there will be someone (not necessarily a boyfriend, like yeah, i haven't had one since 2002!!!) but you know, they will eventually go. and the sad part is that i'm always left alone. i hope if any one of them is reading this, they won't get me wrong, i mean i am happy for them. i'm glad that i was part of where they are right now... but you know, no one can blame me for feeling sorry for myself. i just feel that i deserve to be happy just like 'em. haaaay. what am i saying? good grief, i have a wonderful family and a job that i really, really like doing... but why does it feel like there's something missin'?

nakakapagod na kayang yayain ang girlfriend ng kapatid ko to go malling with me or pilitin si mykel na ipagdrive ako sa parlor or tanungin si tina or si tsiki or si mai or kahit sino sa mga friends ko kung may lakad sila sa weekend; tapos madidissappoint lang ako kasi they'd say na they have plans na kasi with their "loved ones"... i know, ang korni but hey, totoo nakakainis minsan that i'd rather stay sa bahay and feel sorry for myself for being alone and terribly miserable. nakakainis hindi dahil hindi sila available kungdi nakakainis dahil when that happens it reminds me how ALONE i am. omigod i love all my friends and i support them all the way, as in. pero i can't help but feel lonely because i can't help thinking; 'when is my turn?!' i can hear tina or tenten saying na: 'toni, anu ba be patient... hindi hinahanap/hinihintay yun, kusang darating yun... blah blah blah...' friends if you're reading this, i know what you're trying to tell me and thank you for always reminding me these, but then again, oh you know what? i don't want to think anymore. sorry it's crazy tOni talking again. and i guess you'll never understand because you have not been alone for years.

it's tiring na all your friends like, have boyfriends tapos would plan on some trip or go out or whatever tapos shempre i can't go kasi op galore naman ako or i'd die of jealousy or something. i know, i know so highschool. pero that is how i feel most of the time. kaya sometimes i'd rather not go. haaaaaay. just letting off some steam i guess, thanks to my blog. i can't even talk about my feelings to anyone kasi they have other important things to do anyway kesa makinig sa mga kababawan ko. and most of them might think that i am just being ridiculous. or maybe i am?

daya

wag mo akong iwan!!!!!!

chos. :P

...and everything

i have been asking myself a few questions lately... how am i doing? am i alright? have i moved on? am i happy? as always i can't seem to answer 'em directly. yes or no lang naman ang sagot but then for some reason mahirap sagutin ng diretso. here i go again.

while i was watching the admu - ust game 3 with my brother earlier, i was thinking that after the game i'd write something here in my not-so-updated blog. eh paano ba naman wala na talaga akong time to write and besides wala na akong maisulat na mishap sa buhay ko which i kind of missed. for the past quarter of this year mejo puro work lang, if ever naman na may happening nakakatamad ng i-share. i dunno, i kind of got tired writing... hehehe as if namang may nagbabasa pa rin. pero to those who do, thank you so much! tag naman jan.... :P

minsan kasi i can't seem to figure out what i'm feeling eh. minsan naman i'm perfectly ok pero there are times talaga na nigla na lang akong iiyak tapos after a few minutes marerealize how stupid i was. tanga noh? sabi ko nga kay tenten those are my "atake days". nyeta, tulad last two sundays ago, galing lang ako sa boom, spent the entire afternoon with my family and global gutz friends. happy naman, tapos when my mom dropped me off sa apartment, ang alam ko nanunuod akong tv eh, ng bigla na lang akong napaiyak. not because of what i was watching, but because i suddenly felt alone. well, literally i was all alone in the apartment at that time. pero alam mo yung feeling na para bang anytime na bawian ako ng buhay duon wala man lang makakaalam and no one would even care?! i know...i know that will never happen. pero ewan there are times na nafeefeel ko talaga sha, tapos maiisip ko na lahat ng makakapagpaiyak sa akin hanggang maging puffy na naman ang eyes ko at mahirapan na naman akong huminga.

my gawd! it's raining so hard here in cavite, i heard in the news earlier na may isa pang bagyo na parating. hay, so i guess pahirapan na naman pumasok nito. you know what? i will never do double shift ever, well unless needed. grabe nakakapagod sha as in. gusto ko na iumpog ulo ko sa pader nung araw na yun. kung nakakapagsalita lang siguro ang katawang lupa ko malamang namura na ako eh... tsk. kaya all weekend kahit brownout eh wala akong ginawa kung di matulog lang. pero shempre sunday afternoon i went to global with my dad, cj and joycie. latelt i have been spending time with them. i dunno siguro to make up for all those times na wala ako sa cavite simula nung napatira ako sa makati. i make sure na umuuwe na ako every weekend just to see them. oo na para na rin magpalaba at plantsa ehhehe pero that's a given na. chaka i'm enjoying the company of my sibs eh.

i learned a very important lesson. that no matter what happens, your family will always be there for you. iwanan ka na ng kung sino pero yung family mo kahit na may times na you take them for granted, anjan pa rin para saluhin ka. to be honest, mejo napabayaan ko rin talaga yung relationship ko with them for a while, pero ngayon na wala na akong matalbuhan, ngayon na wala na akong kasama anjan pa rin sila. so there. na-share ko lang. i have never missed them this much till now.

lovelife kamo? anu ba yun? chos. eh di wala. as usual. 4 years ng wala by november. hahahaha bilang na bilang eh noh?! eh paano naman mejo memorable ang last break up ko november 2002. basta i won't go into details pero naaalala ko lang sha matandain kasi ako ng dates talaga. there was this one time about 3 weeks ago, a firned of my dad said to him while they're having coffee: "Ti-ay! swerte mo na dito sa dalaga mo, umabot sha sa edad na yan ng wala pang asawa, naka-graduate at may trabaho..." my dad just smiled, and i answered for him... sabi ko: "Tito Sonny, kinakabahan na nga po ako eh... heheheheh" then everyone including my mom laughed. kasi totoo noh, i'm already 25 wala pa rin akong boypren kamusta naman yun?! pero i guess ok na rin at least im kind of having the time of my life naman eh. pero shempre it's much better if i have someone to share it with. haaaaaaaay. OMG. teka muna, commercial lang. may bago akong cras!!! player sha sa global. tagal ko na shang na-meet. pero lately ko lang sha napansin, kasi naman papansin. pero inferness it worked on me ha? hahaha he's super kulet. nice naman, kenkOy talaga. hindi kagwapuhan ito pero ok lang i don't care. NAKU. ako pa naman pag nagka-cras tapos tingin ko eh sha na ang pinaka-cute na nilalang eh alam ko namang hindi eh ibang usapan na! hahahaha for now, lagi lang kaming batian. biruan pag nagkikita. sana nga maging text mates kami eh. syet! wala lang. yun lang, na share ko lang. :D

sana linggo na. para kita ko na sha ulet. hehehe pagbigyan nio na ako, babaw lang kaligayahan ko eh. :P

when there was me and you...

haaaay. i never thought that i would love the movie HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL. hehehe kasi nga dapat pang hi-skul nga sha di buzz? pero ewan ko ba i love the simplicity of the movie and all the characters are beautiful. there's one song i like in particular. it's entitled, WHEN THERE WAS ME and YOU...

It's funny when you find yourself

Looking from the outside

I'm standing here but all I want Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe Miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I'm not sleeping

A wish upon a star Thats coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody That I heard you singing

And when you smiled You made me feel Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star Just don't come true

Cause now even I tell That I confused my feelings with the truth

Cause I liked the view

When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind

It's like you were floating

While I was falling

And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view

Thought you felt it too

When there was me and you

MALAYSIA... Truly Asia

so hindi naman ako super post ng entry today... hehehe well sinasamantala ko na habang wala pa ang kapatid ko at habang sinisipag ako :D

hmmm. this time i'll share the pictures i had taken when my family and i went to Malaysia. oo na long over due na ito, pero it's better late than never. hmmm that's the second time today that i've used that line.. hehehe owel, totoo naman eh. hmmm WARNING though, halos puro ako ito so mauta kau... hehehe check these out!!!

PLANE SHOTS

that's our plane :P

and of course for some odd reason everytime i'd seat sa plane lagi akong napapaupo sa may left wing. hindi ko naman sinasadya...

and here's moi...

shoray diba? hehehe

next! POOL PICS. hahaha

let's start off sa trono ko... hahaha


then ako ulit... hahaha

odiba? tigas ng muka?! ahhahaha

part time yaya din ako ng mga batang ito... baji my sister and her friends, queenie and dabo. hehehe

these are my NFFs... hannah, mitch, keish and janelle.


next! hahaha i love doing this...GALA PICS

gang sa ibang bansa mcdo pa rin or KFC... hahaha kasi naman i can't eat their food. sorry talaga.

a day before their big game.. on our way to AQUARIA

shempre PETRONAS na hindi naman pala ganun ka-exciting puntahan, but it was beautiful naman...

view from the top... 88th floor ng petronas towers

my car... hehehe

and lastly, HOTEL PICS

our hotel room view...

shempre before mag-gala, picture muna... hehehe




hahahah pati centerpiece sa lobby pinatulan... hehehe owel..

actually super dami pa ng pictures.. for more please visit www.kodakgallery.com hahaha magadvertise daw ba? anyhoo compliments to the photographer... hmm ako lang naman. hahaha

so there, my very first out of the country trip. (june 7-12,2006)

i think i have been tagged... by iByang.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. PR Assistant
2. Account Service Representative
3. Call Center Agent and Trainer
4. Family Driver :D

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. While You were Sleeping
2. Paycheck
3. Italian Job
4. Serendipity

C) Four places I have lived:

1. Cavite
2. Pasig
3. Makati
4. and sometimes in CUBAO. hahaha

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. Will & Grace
2. F.R.I.E.N.D.S
3. re-run ng Pangako Sa'yo. hehehe
4. The Buzz

E) Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Baguio
2. Puerto Gallera
3. Cebu
4. Malaysia

F) Places I visit on the Internet:

1. Fabuloush.com yeah... i have an account there. hihihihi
2. Friendster
3. Yahoo Mail
4. Friends' Blogs

G) Four of my favorite foods:

1. Anything chicken :P
2. Italliani's Salads
3. Raw Tuna dipped in soysauce with wasabe. hmm-uhhmm.
4. Breadsticks

H) Where I would rather be right now:

1. In a hotel room in Baguio or
2. in the beaches of Boracay or
3. in Starbucks Tagaytay -OR-
4. in the ARMS OF THE ONE I LOVE (haneeeep. lufet.)

F) Four of my comfort foods:

1. LAYS Sour cream flavor partnered with iced cold Coca Cola.
2. Double Dutch or Vanilla ice cream
3. Dark chocolates
4. Blue berry cheese cake

J) Comfy clothes:

1. jeans
2. blouses/shirts preferrably white in color.
3. shorts
4. my favorite "pantulog outfit". hehehe

K) Four friends I think will respond:

1. mack yu
2. ten
3. mikeymike
4. denpot

thoughts

It's been a while since my last entry in fairness. Well apart from the one with my team of course. hay. Been uber busy with work. Lotsa class, meetings here and there. Admin work, the like. But i don't mind at all... Ok yeah maybe there are times that i want to just leave evrything and go home. But at the end of the day, most especially if i had a very loooong day i come to realize that when i first got the position, I prayed to God that i'd get so busy that i would have to stop thinking about how miserable i am. and you know what? He answered my prayers. hahaha be careful on what you wish for they say. but i'm glad i did. i mean this is what i really wanted. and as day passes i'm loving my work more. True that there would be downfalls and unwanted circumstances but I think it's just part of the scenario. I think I just have to learn how to deal with it, how to handle difficult situations.

so, there. Just thinking aloud. :P

PSU: Team Shared B (that's B for byutipul...)

This is my new family. my new team. my new friends. and like what i said when i sent them these pictures thru email.... WE ARE SOOOOOO FETCH!!!!! hahahahaha check us out!

These pictures were taken while we were waiting for our lead, Brenda to start of the weekly internal team meeting last August 12th. hihihihi these are what we call THE PICTURES OF THE MEETING. Now who said that trainers are geeks and boring?! we think not. we say, we're intelligent and fabulous! :D GO TEAM!

*in the pictures are char, lisa, hershey, troy and myself. apparently arbee, joni, phoebe and kitt were not in the mood to have their pictures taken... so, abangan sila sa susunod na kabanata! :P

aLtHOUgh

Though I'm missing you; I'll find a way to get through

Living without you...

Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride

Only God may know why, still I will get by...

TORNed

A part of me wants to leave you alone A part of me wants for you to come home A part of me says I'm livin a lie (and I'm better off without you) A part of me says to think it through A part of me says I'm over you A part of me wants to say goodbye A part of me is asking why

~ le tOya

FINALLY!

ok fine so ang tagal ko ng hindi nag-uupdate. churi na. paano ba naman kasi a lot has changed. my schedule, my nature of work, my friends, my surroundings, practically my entire life! and i,m not exaggerating. totoo talaga. i mean, even myslef has changed. i just can't tell if i have changed for the better. but definitely i've changed.

so ito na ang famous question: "kamusta naman?" at ang sagot?: i can say that i'm good. i'm fine. hindi parati coz there are times that i just break down and cry... syet. ayan na naman ako sa kadramahan ko. hehehe well, i can't be called the drama queen for nothing right? so there :D pero like what i said marami na ang nagbago at marami na rin ang naganap, some are even worth sharing here but unfortunately i wasn't able to kasi naman i'm soooo freakin' busy at yeah fine, minsan talaga nakakatamad na... plus hindi na ko nakakauwe sa cavite to update.
there's this one time na umuwe ako dun kasi punta kaming Malaysia ng buong family, and while i was writing an entry aba naman, nagrefresh ang blogger. HUWAW! haba na talaga ng naisulat ko so goodluck di ba?! hindi ko na inulit.

hmmm... ayun so 25 years old na ko, same old, same old. finish line kung finish line. hay. i guess i'm just hopeless. hehehe wala na talaga. fine. i don't care naman na. ok fine, i still do. i cry sometimes pa rin. kasi nga i feel alone and lonely and all that jazz. ewan ko ba. paano ko ba sha cinelebrate? hmmm on that day, June 3, eh uminom lang ako hehehe and went to the "happy place" with fren. kaya lub ko yun eh. pero nagcelebrate din ako at inuman na naman ito hahahah dun sa bahay ni jemai. pinagsabay na namin yung celebration. birthday kasi nun is june 23 naman, we celebrated our birthdays nung june 24th. ok naman, happy. lasing. hahaha for the first time nagblack out ako, yung tipong hindi ko na alam na nakatulog na pala ako, hehehe saya i met mai high school bestfriends. ayun kulitan. at shempre sumideline muna ko kakatingin kay kuya jojo. hehehe hay. grabe super pagod ako nung araw na yun, achay kung achay ang drama ko nung araw na yun in fernez. paloka talaga.

so there. the only thing that didn't changed though is my weight. pero as pretty as ever! hahaha same pa rin. proof? e2 o....

lovely as the flower beside me... hehehe

i'll post other pictures here wait lang kayo okies?

see yah around!

DRAMA

kamusta naman di ba? hindi na ako nakakapag-update ng bLog. hmmm so while waiting for my friends sige sulat muna ako. actually, sa papel na lang ako nakakapagsulat ng mga saloobin ko't drama sa buhay kong makulay pa sa daster ng nanay ko na bulaklakin. but then again, or so i thought, hindi pala makulay nor bulaklakin ang life ko hehehe feeling ko lang. kasi naman ibang klase ako. a lot doesn't understand how i think, how i see things and what my perceptions in life are. a lot say i'm too hard on myself dadada... well, maybe. i dunno, kakapagod nang mag-analyze. hehehe ayoko na.

hmmm kamusta naman ang buhay ko ngayon? owel, haggradous verzosa! as in. i never thought being in the training department is so, so, well... what's the word? hmmm... complicated?! grabe dati akala ko enough na yung memoryado mo na ang ins and outs ng account mo, NOOOOO. it's all that and MORE. it's fun naman i'm enjoying it especially when i see that my class is doing good. nga pala, friends ko na rin sila... hehehe i love my class! babait na singers pa! hahaha there are times that we would just sing all together. basta funny. haaaay. when i'm inside the training room running my class, it helps me forget of all the things that are not supposed to be in my mind in the first place. basta. they make me laugh really, really hard. promise. one of these days post akong pictures namin. shempre pa, sila ata ang unang mga biktima ko. hahahaha i mean they are the first class i ever taught since i got promoted nung may 1st. believe me marami akong boo boos na pinagdaanan at pinagdadaanan pa... eh ako pa, eengot engot ako madalas eh. haaaaay.

and there's another thing that i always think about, yung tipong mapapa *SIGH* na lang ako kapag naaalala ko, yung JG DAYS. hay people from hempownic will agree with me on this... di ba mga friends??! aminin nio, JG days are the best! lalu na nung nasa 1230am shift ako kahit UBER dami ng calls, i didn't mind. as in. sabi ko nga kay marvin those were the best JG days of my life. if i can only turn back time... unfortunately we can't. I can't. hay talaga :'( pero sabi nga nila nothing is constant but "change". fine. sige na nga.

15 days from now eh 25 years old na ko. eeeew. meaning 5 years na lang 30 years old na ko, meaning tumatanda na ako, meaning finish line na. haaaaaay STRESS!

don't get me wrong, i'm perfectly fine. i'm happy naman dahil sa wakas natupad na yung isa sa mga goals ko this year. early birthday gift nga eh... pero if you're in my shoes, mararamdaman mo kung anong meron. ay, mali... kung ano pala ang wala. kung ano ang kulang.

i know i will never be alone. hindi talaga pwede yun eh, imposible... pero parang all my life yun yung feeling ko?! totoo. again, hindi nio naman alam yun, kasi hindi naman kayo ako. there can only be one ME. buti naman kungdi dadami ang maarte sa mundo.
hang drama syet.

maraming salamat!

marvin was asking me last friday if was to make a 'goodbye' letter to the team since everybody who's leaving has been sending them like tenten, annuh and baLFie. and last friday was my last day of taking calls and i was about to make one but i realized i'm really nOT leaving. ok, maybe i may not hang around the OPS floor that much but i still intend to go there whenever i can and besides i'll be training people for their team - MY TEAM. so instead of making a goodbye letter, i thought of writing a 'THANK YOU' entry here in my blOg...

a big, BIG thanks to my hempownic family. i know i almost left you same month last year but thanks to my friends and superiors who brought me back to my senses and convinced me to stay and start all over. i must admit this is the account that i love and hate at the same time. hihihi but here is where i found the best team mates and the best friends EVER. i never could've done it with you guys' help and support. thanks for believing. muaaah

so there.

yEHey!

guess what?!!

hihihi yun lang :P

temporarily away from insanity...

gusto ko lang ishare 'tong mga pikchas na 'to... minsan lang ako kyuut sa pic eh.. hahahaha sa galera 'to:

yun naman! hahahaha

and again... ito favorite ko sa lahat! hehehe

hahahah feel na feel...

hang macho ko diber?! :P

yihiiii smile galore...

sige abusuhin natin ang photographer!!! hahahaha

happy birthday tenten! hehehe

ang usapan po while taking these pics eh sasayaw sila... party ever daw. sha sige... BUT NOOOO natulog na sila after... haaay

at dinala ko po duon ang pagka-irate ko ehehhee nuong una matino pa shang kausap aba maya maya unti matabil na ang dila... inaway ko nga eheheh... brandon daw name nia from australia... KEBS. hahaha

don't you just love this place?! haaaaay

beach! beah! beach! hehehehe