em0tera talaga

i think i have been watching too much tv. too much FRIENDS i guess. hahaha too much chandler and monica and ross and rachel and phoebe and joey. oh well, that's pretty much what i have been doing lately. well can you blame me? i mean i don't have someone to go out anyway. i'm such a loner slash loser. funny thing is that i've always been one but i NEVER get used to it. i mean there will be someone (not necessarily a boyfriend, like yeah, i haven't had one since 2002!!!) but you know, they will eventually go. and the sad part is that i'm always left alone. i hope if any one of them is reading this, they won't get me wrong, i mean i am happy for them. i'm glad that i was part of where they are right now... but you know, no one can blame me for feeling sorry for myself. i just feel that i deserve to be happy just like 'em. haaaay. what am i saying? good grief, i have a wonderful family and a job that i really, really like doing... but why does it feel like there's something missin'?

nakakapagod na kayang yayain ang girlfriend ng kapatid ko to go malling with me or pilitin si mykel na ipagdrive ako sa parlor or tanungin si tina or si tsiki or si mai or kahit sino sa mga friends ko kung may lakad sila sa weekend; tapos madidissappoint lang ako kasi they'd say na they have plans na kasi with their "loved ones"... i know, ang korni but hey, totoo nakakainis minsan that i'd rather stay sa bahay and feel sorry for myself for being alone and terribly miserable. nakakainis hindi dahil hindi sila available kungdi nakakainis dahil when that happens it reminds me how ALONE i am. omigod i love all my friends and i support them all the way, as in. pero i can't help but feel lonely because i can't help thinking; 'when is my turn?!' i can hear tina or tenten saying na: 'toni, anu ba be patient... hindi hinahanap/hinihintay yun, kusang darating yun... blah blah blah...' friends if you're reading this, i know what you're trying to tell me and thank you for always reminding me these, but then again, oh you know what? i don't want to think anymore. sorry it's crazy tOni talking again. and i guess you'll never understand because you have not been alone for years.

it's tiring na all your friends like, have boyfriends tapos would plan on some trip or go out or whatever tapos shempre i can't go kasi op galore naman ako or i'd die of jealousy or something. i know, i know so highschool. pero that is how i feel most of the time. kaya sometimes i'd rather not go. haaaaaay. just letting off some steam i guess, thanks to my blog. i can't even talk about my feelings to anyone kasi they have other important things to do anyway kesa makinig sa mga kababawan ko. and most of them might think that i am just being ridiculous. or maybe i am?