Why Am I Still Single?

At this day and age, being 33 (going on 34 in the next few months) and single begs someone to ask - "Why are you still single?"

The answer is simple.

I really have not found "The One".

After all, I have not waited this long only to give my precious heart and unfailing affection to someone who isn't willing to give their precious heart and unfailing affection to me in return. I deserve that, we all do.

And it's not that I have not tried to look for this special person in my life. Believe me, I did. I even tried something I thought I'd never go for in my lifetime- online dating. It was an interesting experience, unfortunately not good enough. At least for me. I have been set-up for a blind date too. It was nice. Point is I made myself available by going out in the dating world.

I have gone out on dates, seen movies, walked in the park, been on coffee dates, wine night outs, fooled around - unfortunately nothing. Honestly it has been very exhausting and sometimes not being successful had me thinking that maybe I wasn't really girlfriend material. I wasn't good enough. But that is just ridiculous. Of course I am enough.Then it hit me. My love story is still on going. Something is bound to happen in that aspect of my life. Something meaningful and lasting. I just have to wait patiently. After all, why would God give me to someone who isn't worthy of my love? Right?

Just thinking about that day when I meet "The One" give me the chills and the feeling of excitement of a happy heart! Finally, I will never have to spend year-round occasions alone, build a home full of love, laughter and sumptuous cooking. Someone with whom I can share my dreams with, someone to walk this journey with.

While I know that waiting for Mr. Right is actually not a walk-in-the-park easy, I've always believe that one day, someday we will cross paths; a strong feeling of faith that gives me peace and helps me stay focused on being the right woman for my Mr. Right.

Image credit: juneaux

Day 1 of The Single Woman's 30-Day Blog Challenge. 

Stranded on Hope

I reached out for my phone, tapped on the Spotify app, selected a playlist and boom! A very familiar song started playing (at random mind you).

So tonight, my inspiration for writing this blog post is brought to you by Jennifer Paige's Stranded. The song is very apropos considering what I am really thinking about sharing on here at the moment.

You see, I am in love. The problem is, it's unrequited. Yep. I know. Story of my life. It has been since forever. I don't know why I haven't learned. Or maybe I did learn but I am just way too stubborn and think that keeping the feeling albeit not reciprocated, would somehow turn things around. But then I knew at the back of my head how this story is going to end...that I will end up feeling miserable for weeks...okay, months. Fine. Sometimes years. Ugh.

I don't know why I see my situation now any different from my past unrequited loves. I mean, he made it very clear to me before I left that he is NOT going to wait for me until I am back. That he DOES NOT do long distance relationships because he's been burned before. And to top it all, HE IS ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE. So, what's wrong with you, Toni?!! 

Okay, I'll be honest. HOPE. Probably the same reason why I have let myself drown in misery in the past too. But this time for some reason, I have a strong feeling in my heart and gut that tells me, we're meant to be together. And as far as I know this is the first time I have felt this way about someone who shut me down. Crazy, right?! 

As of this writing, my mind isn't only looking for words to write but is also thinking about what might happen as soon as we see each other again. Oh yes, I know WE WILL see each other again. I am very sure of that. I'm excited, but also very scared.

At night before I sleep, when I am in my most vulnerable state, I always tell myself that if I see him again, I can finally move on with my life. Move on WITH or WITHOUT him. And every time I do that, my head play these wonderful moments of US. Unfortunately, these moments are only results of my imagination.

Now why do I strongly feel that we belong together? Because... why not?! Seriously. We didn't have much time spent together but I saw the way he looked at me. I really felt there's something. Other people think I might just be hallucinating (and honestly, sometimes I'm inclined to agree! haha!), but I don't think so. This feeling I have is much too strong to be just hallucination. Whatever it is, I will know soon enough. Afraid!

"These tears are turnin' me to rust. I know, you're waitin' there for me to come back. I'm too afraid to show..." ~ Jennifer Paige - Stranded Lyrics; MetroLyrics

Image Credit: www.mlive.com

A Look Back to Go Forward

It has been a while since I last wrote something on here- 2 years and 7 months to be exact but who's counting? Now I wonder what have I been doing in the last 2 years? Interesting. Let's see.

The last blog entry I posted was dated 27th August of 2012. I clearly remember around that time I said, no I promised myself that I will attempt to write again. Writing, although not really a talent of mine, helps me in a lot of ways. It makes me think and re-think things. Things in my life. And by things I mean decisions, choices and aspirations. 

I think looking back is going to be fun. 

(Mid) 2012

Now I have to make use of my Facebook page to help me remember what transpired during this year. 

I remember this was the year I realized what I want to do with my life, actually, more like where I want to go...but I will blog about that for later. 

Anyway, the highlight of this year was when I was given the chance to implement an account for my former employer. The company flew me to our clients' headquarters in Las Vegas, NV for training. So many firsts on this trip- first to fly alone, first to train a group of 50 people whose first language is English. Totally nerve-wracking. First time in Las Vegas. It was a surreal experience. 

2013

All I remember about 2013 was that it was the hardest of times for me and my loved ones. We had to go through a major shift in the way we live, our faith was shaken and tested. I for one almost broke down. It was a tough year but together with my family we were able to get through it. I never knew I have that kind of strength. It's true what they say, you will never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. 

Despite it all, I'm glad we went through the hard times. It made me stronger, smarter and most importantly full of hope. 

2014

This has been the most liberating year for me. I traveled half the world and had a marvelous experience to boot. The year I was able to live my dream. I went to New York and lived there for half of 2014. The best. 

The year where I realized what I had in me to survive such a fast-paced life, with the most impatient and rushed people in the world. Considering that I am the most laid back person I know in this lifetime.  

After what seemed like a thousand years, I fell in love... again. It was too soon, I know- but I didn't care. My heart was and still is in love with the perfect guy. 

In the city, I felt free and happy. Free and happy to do all the things I want to do. The city has the kind of vibe where I felt like I can accomplish a lot and chase my dreams; bring them to life.

I am honored to have been given the chance to explore the most exciting city in the world.

My journey isn't over. Not until I say it's over. Because you see, I left my heart in New York. 

Another highlight of 2014 is my drastic career change. I delved into the world of freelance. I became a work-at-home person and so far it is a blast. I realized that there are more things to learn than what I already know from my 10-year stint in the corporate world. 

It has opened many doors for me- allowed me to think and re-think my priorities. It gave me the chance to plan for my (and my family's) future. It gave me a lot of time to take care of my self as well. And surprisingly, I am really good at it. 

And now, 2015 is finally here... it's been pretty exciting so far. So many plans, so many dreams that I want to pursue. I know I am going to have a fantastic year. My best year yet. 

For the first time in my life, I really feel alive!

Image from: www.ezphotoscan.com