em0tera talaga

i think i have been watching too much tv. too much FRIENDS i guess. hahaha too much chandler and monica and ross and rachel and phoebe and joey. oh well, that's pretty much what i have been doing lately. well can you blame me? i mean i don't have someone to go out anyway. i'm such a loner slash loser. funny thing is that i've always been one but i NEVER get used to it. i mean there will be someone (not necessarily a boyfriend, like yeah, i haven't had one since 2002!!!) but you know, they will eventually go. and the sad part is that i'm always left alone. i hope if any one of them is reading this, they won't get me wrong, i mean i am happy for them. i'm glad that i was part of where they are right now... but you know, no one can blame me for feeling sorry for myself. i just feel that i deserve to be happy just like 'em. haaaay. what am i saying? good grief, i have a wonderful family and a job that i really, really like doing... but why does it feel like there's something missin'?

nakakapagod na kayang yayain ang girlfriend ng kapatid ko to go malling with me or pilitin si mykel na ipagdrive ako sa parlor or tanungin si tina or si tsiki or si mai or kahit sino sa mga friends ko kung may lakad sila sa weekend; tapos madidissappoint lang ako kasi they'd say na they have plans na kasi with their "loved ones"... i know, ang korni but hey, totoo nakakainis minsan that i'd rather stay sa bahay and feel sorry for myself for being alone and terribly miserable. nakakainis hindi dahil hindi sila available kungdi nakakainis dahil when that happens it reminds me how ALONE i am. omigod i love all my friends and i support them all the way, as in. pero i can't help but feel lonely because i can't help thinking; 'when is my turn?!' i can hear tina or tenten saying na: 'toni, anu ba be patient... hindi hinahanap/hinihintay yun, kusang darating yun... blah blah blah...' friends if you're reading this, i know what you're trying to tell me and thank you for always reminding me these, but then again, oh you know what? i don't want to think anymore. sorry it's crazy tOni talking again. and i guess you'll never understand because you have not been alone for years.

it's tiring na all your friends like, have boyfriends tapos would plan on some trip or go out or whatever tapos shempre i can't go kasi op galore naman ako or i'd die of jealousy or something. i know, i know so highschool. pero that is how i feel most of the time. kaya sometimes i'd rather not go. haaaaaay. just letting off some steam i guess, thanks to my blog. i can't even talk about my feelings to anyone kasi they have other important things to do anyway kesa makinig sa mga kababawan ko. and most of them might think that i am just being ridiculous. or maybe i am?

daya

wag mo akong iwan!!!!!!

chos. :P

...and everything

i have been asking myself a few questions lately... how am i doing? am i alright? have i moved on? am i happy? as always i can't seem to answer 'em directly. yes or no lang naman ang sagot but then for some reason mahirap sagutin ng diretso. here i go again.

while i was watching the admu - ust game 3 with my brother earlier, i was thinking that after the game i'd write something here in my not-so-updated blog. eh paano ba naman wala na talaga akong time to write and besides wala na akong maisulat na mishap sa buhay ko which i kind of missed. for the past quarter of this year mejo puro work lang, if ever naman na may happening nakakatamad ng i-share. i dunno, i kind of got tired writing... hehehe as if namang may nagbabasa pa rin. pero to those who do, thank you so much! tag naman jan.... :P

minsan kasi i can't seem to figure out what i'm feeling eh. minsan naman i'm perfectly ok pero there are times talaga na nigla na lang akong iiyak tapos after a few minutes marerealize how stupid i was. tanga noh? sabi ko nga kay tenten those are my "atake days". nyeta, tulad last two sundays ago, galing lang ako sa boom, spent the entire afternoon with my family and global gutz friends. happy naman, tapos when my mom dropped me off sa apartment, ang alam ko nanunuod akong tv eh, ng bigla na lang akong napaiyak. not because of what i was watching, but because i suddenly felt alone. well, literally i was all alone in the apartment at that time. pero alam mo yung feeling na para bang anytime na bawian ako ng buhay duon wala man lang makakaalam and no one would even care?! i know...i know that will never happen. pero ewan there are times na nafeefeel ko talaga sha, tapos maiisip ko na lahat ng makakapagpaiyak sa akin hanggang maging puffy na naman ang eyes ko at mahirapan na naman akong huminga.

my gawd! it's raining so hard here in cavite, i heard in the news earlier na may isa pang bagyo na parating. hay, so i guess pahirapan na naman pumasok nito. you know what? i will never do double shift ever, well unless needed. grabe nakakapagod sha as in. gusto ko na iumpog ulo ko sa pader nung araw na yun. kung nakakapagsalita lang siguro ang katawang lupa ko malamang namura na ako eh... tsk. kaya all weekend kahit brownout eh wala akong ginawa kung di matulog lang. pero shempre sunday afternoon i went to global with my dad, cj and joycie. latelt i have been spending time with them. i dunno siguro to make up for all those times na wala ako sa cavite simula nung napatira ako sa makati. i make sure na umuuwe na ako every weekend just to see them. oo na para na rin magpalaba at plantsa ehhehe pero that's a given na. chaka i'm enjoying the company of my sibs eh.

i learned a very important lesson. that no matter what happens, your family will always be there for you. iwanan ka na ng kung sino pero yung family mo kahit na may times na you take them for granted, anjan pa rin para saluhin ka. to be honest, mejo napabayaan ko rin talaga yung relationship ko with them for a while, pero ngayon na wala na akong matalbuhan, ngayon na wala na akong kasama anjan pa rin sila. so there. na-share ko lang. i have never missed them this much till now.

lovelife kamo? anu ba yun? chos. eh di wala. as usual. 4 years ng wala by november. hahahaha bilang na bilang eh noh?! eh paano naman mejo memorable ang last break up ko november 2002. basta i won't go into details pero naaalala ko lang sha matandain kasi ako ng dates talaga. there was this one time about 3 weeks ago, a firned of my dad said to him while they're having coffee: "Ti-ay! swerte mo na dito sa dalaga mo, umabot sha sa edad na yan ng wala pang asawa, naka-graduate at may trabaho..." my dad just smiled, and i answered for him... sabi ko: "Tito Sonny, kinakabahan na nga po ako eh... heheheheh" then everyone including my mom laughed. kasi totoo noh, i'm already 25 wala pa rin akong boypren kamusta naman yun?! pero i guess ok na rin at least im kind of having the time of my life naman eh. pero shempre it's much better if i have someone to share it with. haaaaaaaay. OMG. teka muna, commercial lang. may bago akong cras!!! player sha sa global. tagal ko na shang na-meet. pero lately ko lang sha napansin, kasi naman papansin. pero inferness it worked on me ha? hahaha he's super kulet. nice naman, kenkOy talaga. hindi kagwapuhan ito pero ok lang i don't care. NAKU. ako pa naman pag nagka-cras tapos tingin ko eh sha na ang pinaka-cute na nilalang eh alam ko namang hindi eh ibang usapan na! hahahaha for now, lagi lang kaming batian. biruan pag nagkikita. sana nga maging text mates kami eh. syet! wala lang. yun lang, na share ko lang. :D

sana linggo na. para kita ko na sha ulet. hehehe pagbigyan nio na ako, babaw lang kaligayahan ko eh. :P