“If you’re gonna go inside my head, you’ll get lost…” I suddenly blurted these words out to my new found friend. Right now my mind is lost. Maybe I am overwhelmed with what is happening with our life at this time. Maybe I’m just not used to having this kind of dilemma. Maybe I am not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe…
Shempre ang sagot ng nalilitong kaibigan ko… “Anong pinagsasasabi mo diyan?!” For a while, I had thought about what I said. But it is true. There’s a damn lot of things going on inside my head right now. Before what I’d do is write them on a paper and wouldn’t notice that I’ve scribbled around 6 pages of thoughts. Thing is, for some odd reason, I can’t do it now. I hate it.
At ngayon naman nagpipilit akong sumulat. I hate this day. It’s like my head is clouded with all these ugly notions that I hate to enumerate in this entry. What happened to me? I used to be this very happy and care-free person but now, ugh. I can’t even imagine how upset I am. And what’s more upsetting is that I no longer know how to deal with it. I hold back ANY feeling I have. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not sure how to react or I just want to let it go because I hate conflicts. Para sa akin kasi, kung kaya ko naman intindihin, iintindihin ko na lang para walang gulo. I’d talk to the person later on but that doesn’t do me any good simply because the time had passed. I mean the feeling isn’t there anymore. So what’s the point? Right? – yeah, maybe not.
This is just one of the many things I hate about myself. Believe me, I am one of the very few who are very hard to understand. I am not your ordinary girl.
