So tonight, my inspiration for writing this blog post is brought to you by Jennifer Paige's Stranded. The song is very apropos considering what I am really thinking about sharing on here at the moment.
You see, I am in love. The problem is, it's unrequited. Yep. I know. Story of my life. It has been since forever. I don't know why I haven't learned. Or maybe I did learn but I am just way too stubborn and think that keeping the feeling albeit not reciprocated, would somehow turn things around. But then I knew at the back of my head how this story is going to end...that I will end up feeling miserable for weeks...okay, months. Fine. Sometimes years. Ugh.
I don't know why I see my situation now any different from my past unrequited loves. I mean, he made it very clear to me before I left that he is NOT going to wait for me until I am back. That he DOES NOT do long distance relationships because he's been burned before. And to top it all, HE IS ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE. So, what's wrong with you, Toni?!!
Okay, I'll be honest. HOPE. Probably the same reason why I have let myself drown in misery in the past too. But this time for some reason, I have a strong feeling in my heart and gut that tells me, we're meant to be together. And as far as I know this is the first time I have felt this way about someone who shut me down. Crazy, right?!
As of this writing, my mind isn't only looking for words to write but is also thinking about what might happen as soon as we see each other again. Oh yes, I know WE WILL see each other again. I am very sure of that. I'm excited, but also very scared.
At night before I sleep, when I am in my most vulnerable state, I always tell myself that if I see him again, I can finally move on with my life. Move on WITH or WITHOUT him. And every time I do that, my head play these wonderful moments of US. Unfortunately, these moments are only results of my imagination.
Now why do I strongly feel that we belong together? Because... why not?! Seriously. We didn't have much time spent together but I saw the way he looked at me. I really felt there's something. Other people think I might just be hallucinating (and honestly, sometimes I'm inclined to agree! haha!), but I don't think so. This feeling I have is much too strong to be just hallucination. Whatever it is, I will know soon enough. Afraid!
"These tears are turnin' me to rust. I know, you're waitin' there for me to come back. I'm too afraid to show..." ~ Jennifer Paige - Stranded Lyrics; MetroLyrics
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